Of course it's happening inside your head.

It was like having all of the air knocked out of me.

I try. I really do but you don’t help me. You just left all the demons in. You’re seduced by there whisperings and refuse to listen to me. You shut me out in the dark but some how the shadows still exist.

But they’re worse because I can’t see them. They can creep up and suffocate me slowly. Making the inside of my throat dry so I choke on the invisible guilt and pressure to be something I’m not and never will be. Down to my lungs, refusing to let them expand again.

I gasp at the shock. But it’s not shock. I knew it’s happen. Because whether you like if or not. You will all hate me.

You will all let the shadows in.

There are a lot of songs out there
That could explain you and me
About living without love
Hand in hand with misery

How we’ll get through
Standing tall and stong in the end
How we’ll be happy together
Be it relationship or close friends

But only I can tell of the way
You make me smile when I see you
The way you look so confused when you think
You quite like the colour pink
How you never believe me
When I say how much you mean
Even when you’re obscene

Your company is all I could ever ask for
And so much more than I deserve
So listen to my words
Even though most of them are cliches

So many other people sing of all the fights
And how there’s a rough patch
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together
You’re gonna hate each other
And that’s a fact

But then you see the sky
Suddenly everything’s alright
And life just carries on
But they forgot

The way you don’t let go at night
You like the smell of smoke
And I almost made you choke
On paracetamol when you didn’t feel right
After we’d both been drinking
And both looked a sight

I never wana forget the bad times
Because you tease me about mine
I’m never sorry when I cry
So you feel you can again and again and again

You’re a person
Not a name in a song
So I’ll ignore the radio
Every single time this comes on..

And so I close my eyes
The stars are imprinted in the back of my mind
I’ve never seen something so beautifully dark
There’s a sense of peace within my heart

And I would sing for you
If I knew you couldn’t hear
And I’d cry for you
If I knew you wouldn’t see my tears

Cause I’ve never seen you so happy
And I’ve never felt so bad
When I remember how I thought of you
Remember all the times we had

And I’m tired of all the memories
When I’m trying to forget
All the words in my head
All the things that I’ve said

I close my eyes
All I see is darkness
I’ve never seen something so beautifully dark
There’s nothing but emptiness in my heart

I wash away the memories
Drown them in my tears

So I sing for you
I know you can’t here
I cry for you
You don’t see the tears

So fragile
So weak
So why won’t you BURN
Why won’t you BREAK

She’s just a paper doll
Just a paper doll

Dress her in roses
Don’t forget the thorns
But she won’t RIP
Won’t TEAR

So pull at her gently everday
Weaker and weaker the paper becomes
Until her soul is DEAD
Her body is RAW

Watch her bleed

But take no notice

She knows you have her soul

I can feel it inside

She knows she’s lost control

I’ll eat you alive..













Paper cut?

Colourful smoke. 

That’s what happiness is.

It’s one of the most beautiful things you’ll ever see. It travels everywhere, through all of the cracks, closed doors and windows and can choke you right in the back of your throat so your eyes water.

But you can’t touch it.

Sometimes it’s man-made, other times it’s spontaneous and just creeps up upon you at the strangest of times. 

Some people breathe it in, others waft it away.

I watch it. It dances across my life with all of the elegance and grace I can only hope for in my deepest dreams.

It’s beautiful. I treasure it’s presence. It will always just slip right through my fingers.

When I was younger I thought clouds were the ghosts of sheep. I continued to believe this because it made me feel better about eating meat.. Well sheep anyway. If they died they would become clouds that rained and allowed grass to grow for other sheep to eat.

One big circle.

It’s absolutely ridiculus.

And that’s why I love you. 

My insides feel as though there is a hand made out of needles clawing its way out of me.

Little by little each needle pokes its way through me, prodding me a few times before just for good measure. Proof that I’m still alive and have some fight left in me is that I live through this. Everyday.

Each time it gets harder. Each tiny stab collects together to create a constant wave of pain, desire just to rip through my skin and remove the pain myself.

Forever.

I’d like to think I mean something.

That I could make the stars shine a little brighter for your pleasure.

I could make the night last longer so you could dream beautiful things a little longer.

That I could cover your ears to the voices in your head that tell you that you’re not good enough.

You are everything to me, but I don’t think I mean anything other than a person that makes you smile occasionally.

But I love you. So it’s okay.

I love you.

I suppose my eyes glitter
With happiness or tears
You say it doesn’t matter
I’m beautiful anyway

I laugh at your lies
You hush my objections
Look at the sky
Gaze into the stars

Know that you’re special

Who ever you are